Desire Discrepancy - Chelom Leavitt

Desire Discrepancy develops when one partner experiences fluctuations in sexual desires within a couple. According to the latest research (Based on the research by Joel, Day, Muise & Impett, 2015), it is evident that more than 80% of couples regularly experience situations where one partner is willing to have sex while the other doesn't. 

 

As per many acclaimed sex therapists, such desire discrepancies are common among couples. Such a common sexual problem is considered more distressing because of its dampening effect on the romantic relationship.  

 

Such differences in desires A.K.A libido within a sexual relationship is bound to happen at some point. Such scenarios are even more likely to happen during the lockdown of a global pandemic. These differences are usually known as desire discrepancy, and it can be a huge source of tension between partners. 

 

Multiple factors influence our libido, due to which it can fluctuate ever so frequently. Specifically, when everyone's stress is heightened, libidos fluctuate with it. Let's have a look at the factors responsible for desire discrepancy. These are as follows: 

 

·        Hormonal and Biological Changes

There are various reasons for hormonal fluctuation within the body, such as the menstrual cycle, aging, stress, and much more. Having a good understanding of how and when your hormones fluctuate will give you a better understanding of the libido. Talk to your medical provider if you want to know more about the hormonal shift in your body. 

 

·        Mental Stress

Stress plays a vital role in affecting your body and fluctuating your desire discrepancy, and it both physically and mentally influences your desire to have sex. Physically, your hormone production changes when you are under stress, including increased cortisol, decreasing the libido. Mentally, when your brain is occupied, you can't mindfully enjoy sexual pleasures as much, and it can even deprive you of orgasming. 

 

·        Harmful Effects of Medication

Certain kinds of medication can suppress libido as a side effect. Antidepressants are majorly responsible for desire discrepancy. It can significantly hinder your enjoyment of life.

 

·        Post-Traumatic Stress 

Sexual trauma can impact your libido like nothing else. Everyone perceives trauma differently, and some people get an increased sexual desire, whereas others have nothing to do with sex. 

 

·        Unhealthy Relationship With Our Bodies 

The modern world of social media has harmed maintaining healthy relationships with their bodies. Most people struggle with loving their bodies. During the pandemic, people started stress eating to such an extent that their bodies got out of shape, affecting their sexual interests. It is basic human psychology that when you feel unattractive and uncomfortable in your skin, you are less likely to want to expose yourself.     

 

Here are some strategies to increase sexual desires and romanticism within you and your partner:

 

ü Mindful Sex Schedule 

In order to have a healthy relationship with your partner, sex plays a vital role. The romanticized sex scenes involve passion and heat. However, it does not mean that planned sex is any less passionate. Making a sex schedule lets you and your partner enjoy sex regularly and keeps the spark alive. Even if it's not sex, you can still agree on other pleasurable activities to enjoy, such as kissing, cuddling among others. 

 

ü Identifying the Root of Issue 

It is essential to determine the root cause of the issues. Try to resolve the problem of lacking libido. If it's stress, consider working with a psychotherapist in order to develop coping strategies and other stronger self-care habits. If you are unhappy with your body image, do somebody-positive activities and join some support groups to adopt self-care habits. 

 

ü Taking Sex Therapy 

From centuries ago, there has been a stigma associated with sex. In every culture and religion, sex is considered taboo and mustn't be talked about in public. But this topic can pose some serious issues within a couple's relationship. A sex therapist can help resolve such sex-related concerns within a couple. If you feel like you need a facilitator to help you out, go for it. Investing in the wellness of your happiness is always a rational decision. 

 

Key Takeaways!

Desire Discrepancy is a common issue among couples, and it isn't anyone's fault. In order to deal with it adequately, try to practice some empathy and think about how your partner might feel in addition to you.